I Thought I Knew it All, Then I Lost Everything

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

At 15, I was sure about what I want to be when I grow up. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to work for a magazine. Thus, I studied Journalism.

When I turned 20, I got my first job at one of the leading TV Networks in the Philippines to be part of a magazine even before I march on the graduation stage. I was an Editorial Assistant turned contributing writer. God knows how extremely happy I was when I got to work for a magazine, not for my dream company but still, it's for a magazine. 

I did everything I said I would. I did everything I thought I wanted. I did everything people expected me to do. I thought, I was already contented that I got to fulfill one of my biggest dreams. But the excitement and proud moments of seeing your byline wears off. 

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So, I took a leap and found myself in the field I said I'd never do, ever. I was too brave that time, I wasn't afraid to enter a new path even if that meant a whole new world. I got in to a world I'm clueless about. And surprisingly, I'm still here. My bosses liked my work, some even praised me for it so I thought, maybe I'm good at this. I enjoyed those moments and those matter to me a lot.

People often praise me for knowing a lot of things. Sure I can do a lot—I write, I shoot, edit photos, basic graphics, style, do hair and makeup, etc.—but I'm not sure where I'm really good at and that confused me. 

At 23, I discovered that my achievements were not enough to sustain me because it lacked soul and passion. All of that ambition, all of my accomplishments, and all of the hard work was not for me to feel good but for me to look good. In a way, it really didn’t feel like me at all.

I've come a long way, they say. But to me, I'm far from the best. There are other people at my age who has achieved more than I did. So I began to question who I was, who I am. Until I lost myself at 23.

But you know what, I've come to realize that not everything is for you, and the willingness to give up on that which you are not meant for isn’t failure, it’s a sign that you actually love yourself enough not to get stuck in a life you don’t really want.

As I enter 24 today, I'm slowly learning to just let things be. I will try not to dwell on my mistakes but rather focus on my achievements no matter how small or big they are. I'm going to do what I have to do until I can do what I want to do. I'll create the life that I want. 


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  1. Hello! !
    Today I decorated the Christmas tree. I really enjoyed it! Every year I get very excited, I decorate the Christmas tree and it begins to feel like Christmas. I think this year's Christmas tree is also very beautiful.

  2. This is such an inspiring post. So true our dreams change and we just need to change with them.



  3. great post, very beautiful photos

  4. Oh God, this photos are amazing, I want to stay with you forever ♥
    I follow you ♥

  5. Great post! I love your fashion and sense.

    Would you like to follow each other?
    Let me know if you follow me, I'll follow you back.
    Thank you.

  6. Great photos:) I would like to have such weather too:D

  7. The most importan thing is that you finally got it.
    You look fab in these pictures!
    Don't Call Me Fashion Blogger

  8. All that is important is that you got it and the lessons you learned while trying to get there. Thank you for the comment on my blog, I already follow you after you asked the 1st time. I follow on bloglovin, so you can follow me there if you please. It's the only way I follow everyone as it's easier :) Have a great weekend x

    1. I totally agree with you! It's the journey that's important. Followed you, too! ♥

  9. You look stunning <3 Wow! I love it! Wonderful post dear <3

  10. Ey!

    I'm following you now
    Can you following me? This is my blog: http://elmundodenaya.blogspot.com/
    Thanks ♡

  11. Fantastic Place! You look adorable :)

    lovely Greetings

    1. One of the best islands in the Philippines! ♥

  12. Thank you for your kind words on my blog!
    It´s a pleasure for me that I follow you now on gfc and bloglovin, it would be great if you follow me back :)
    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena

  13. Great photos <3 You look awesome ! I'm following you now

  14. Never be afraid of trying something new and unusual, the personal experience is always more important than final result!

    Lots of love ♥ January Girl

    1. I totally agree with you. New and unusual things are scary but that's what makes life more interesting. :)

  15. Stunning picture, that place is a paradise!!


  16. well, it was what means grown up, isn't it?
    The important thing is that you've learned a lot and at the end you've got it!
    amazing pics!

    1. You're right. We just have to look at the silver lining. :)

  17. You are not only very beautiful but also very honest and wise. It speaks in your favour how you now live your life!
    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena

  18. Great post! You look fab in that swimsuit!
    Kisses, Paola.


  19. You have a lot of talent, write beautifully, have great fashion taste and look fabulous showcasing that lovely pink swimwear in the beautiful photographs above.
    The beach and the water there look idyllic. Best wishes going for a wonderful year 2019!


  20. Great photos, love your bikini xx



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