The Girl Behind the Pen

Before anything else, I'd like you to know that this is long and very personal so I don't expect you to read the whole post but it would really mean a lot to me if you'll stick with me 'til the end.

Late last year, I made a huge decision which led me to where I am today—almost quarter life crisis. Yikes. I didn't regret it though I had a lot of what-ifs: what if I did not quit? What if I choose the other one? What if I didn't aspire to be part of something great? Or what I thought was something great. Would it all make a difference? 

I called myself a fool for trying so hard to be what I want to be and fail at it. I put myself down because I thought, I wasn't good enough. My fear came back. My fear of taking chances, taking risks and taking every possibility in the world to make my dream come true. I blamed other people for that mistake. I was so in denial. And the most painful part of the situation is knowing that I had no one to blame but myself because it was my choice. I chose to be there. I chose to do that. It's all me.

And that didn't stop there. Instead of getting back to my usual grind, I STOPPED CREATING. I just focused on my job. It was okay and involves everyday adrenaline, but I got so comfortable that I didn't bother to read  anything, write on my blog and even reply to emails that could possibly lead to great opportunities (I'm really sorry for that). I was a rebel against myself and it's really frustrating the hell out of me.

And whenever I try to get back to my usual grind and do the things I really like, something slaps me to stay away from them. No matter how hard I try to stand up, something is pulling me down. Then one sunny afternoon, I read a newsletter from my email. It says all the things I was feeling since my project went down. It hits me so hard that it made me want to do crazy stuff again.

But you know what, in spite of all the things that happened, I know it was worth the risk. Because that's what I wanted. The project was gone in a flash but I quite found myself. I fell but I stood. I was hurt but now stronger. Getting back up for me was hard, though I'm still at a recovery point, I'm on my way back to where and who I was before this downfall came. 

There are people who are willing to help you, even unintentionally like what happened to me, thanks to that newsletter and the person who wrote it, and there are things around you that could get your feet kicking again. You just have to stay focus because most of the time, it's the little things that help us big time!

If you're going through something, do not hesitate to share them in the comments box below or send me an email, let's talk. Or if you don't want to talk, let me just listen. I could be your online friend. I could be your online sister. Promise, I'll reply to you if you want me to :)

And now let's talk about my outfit here. I've always loved the thought of wearing maxi dresses because they look so comfortable and classy. Mine was everything I have imagined it to be. This dress basically caught me because it's very girly and summery. I now have a go-to summer look. What's yours? :)

Dress from Gamiss